Be an Informed Consumer:

All to often, we find ourselves dealing with a family situation that we either did not notice or simply wanted to deny. It happens to all of us. One day we recognize that mom or dad can't remember where they put their car keys and the next day they can't remember where they put the car. Sooner or later it becomes our obligation to watch out for our parents. When that day arrives, we are seldom prepared. We don't know where to go or who to get advice from. Sometimes we go to neighbors and friends, and sometimes we rely on our family doctor or family attorney. Everyone means well, but the one-size-fits-all plan is just never quite good enough when it comes to our own family members. We want the best for them, and that is the way it should be.

Be an informed consumer when it comes to helping mom or dad. Check out all the community resources, educate yourself on the various options for home care or assisted living facilities, and don't be afraid to consult with a private professional geriatric case manager, private fiduciary/conservator, or an elder law specialist.

Consult with the family doctor to determine mom or dad's problem as to cause and treatment plans. Gather the family together to discuss how the family can help and what is needed. Once you have a general plan, you can work on what the cost will be to make the plan workable for that family member. Sometimes it is simply having someone come in to help with cooking and heavy cleaning a few hours a day or while you are working. Other times it may involve more time and assistance in household chores or personal care, like bathing, dressing and ambulating. It may even involve a graduated level of care as time goes by from a limited amount of assistance to licensed residential placement or skilled nursing. Whatever the need may be, once you are familiar with the resources in your community, you will be a better informed consumer and will feel more confident about helping your own family member.

Ronda

Do I Really Need a Lawyer?

If you ever find yourself in a position where you think you might need to hire an attorney, be an informed consumer. If you were sick and thought you might need surgery, would you take the medical advice of the first doctor you see or would you seek a second opinion? Well, in a sense, if you are dealing with a family issue and it appears that legal counsel might be needed, do the same.

Shop around, spend the time and money to interview attorneys to discuss your case and see what they say. Ask questions about their legal expertise. Get recommendations from friends, the local Bar, a local lawyer referral service, or consult with other private professional conservators. You can also tap into your local superior court web page to see if they have resources that you can consult.

Sometimes you can even go to the court's webpage and type in the name of an attorney to see what cases they have been involved in over a period of time.

You can often find a probate or elder law attorney in the Yellow Pages too.

Once you find someone you think you might be able to work with, I suggest that you not only interview them, but go to court and watch them in action. Some attorneys are wonderful on paper, but do not present well on the floor of the courthouse. You will also want an attorney who has a good reputation with the court. You can always check with the Local Bar and/or your State Bar to find out if there are any complaints filed against the attorney of your choice. The attorney is going to be paid big bucks to represent you, so buyer beware. Take the time to make sure that you are going to get your money's worth.

Here is my experience with lawyers. Most attorneys are like anyone else, they have their own area of expertise. Not all attorneys are equal. Just because they advertise that they are probate or elder law attorneys doesn't mean that they excel in their field. There is a clear difference between a probate or elder law attorney and a litigator. Interview the attorney of your choice and ask lots of questions. Ask what hourly rate they charge or is it a flat rate up front, and if so, what can you expect for the fees? If you are seeking conservatorship, make sure that they are not demanding payment from mom's funds up front. We generally retain services of our attorney and he is paid after court approval once the conservatorship proceeding is complete and a minimum of 90 days after our appointment and Letters are issued.

If you are in a family dispute and seek legal counsel to resolve problems already developing, pay attention to the red flags when seeking legal counsel. A really good attorney is going to try to resolve issues outside of the courtroom first and pursue a legal action as a last resort. Any attorney who wants to deal with a dispute by scheduling depositions right up front and then pursuing discovery (demand for production of documents, etc.), and demanding an evidentiary hearing (a trial). . . .that should be the first red flag and it should be clear by the sound. Cha-ching, cha-ching. . . .that is your legal meter running and you have just met a litigator. You can be sure that there are some litigators that are wonderful and they will work with you to minimize costs and resolve the issues in a reasonable manner, but there are some that don't. Watch out for the attorney who is not willing to entertain any efforts to resolve problems, discuss mediation or settlements.

Family fighting can be the fastest way to deplete the family estate and divide the family forever. It can be the fastest route to putting mom or dad on public assistance too. Everyone loses except the attorneys. If you are angry and need to vent, seek professional therapy with a licensed family counselor, not the attorney. But if you do need an attorney, be an informed consumer and make sure that you know who you hire, what to expect and what it will cost.

Ronda